H0h0! If your using windows use your browser to watch this file, otherwise wordpad will fuck it up! j00. _a000a _aaa _a, _a, _j00La _aaa j#0. _0#0000L j#00 #0 J0' d000000A, |000 j#0. d000!0001 |000 _00 00 d0P' !0#, :000 j#0. aa, .000' "#00 aa, :000 _aad0&aa00aa j0F _, "0L .000 j#0_00#0, j00# 000, _00#00001 :000 |0#00000#00W 0@ _000W0ij#, 000 j#0000000 j#0f N00i .000000001 00# ?0000000000W |01 W0P!00i 01 000 j#0P^!0001 j#01 4#01 j#0@' 4001 00D 00 d0 j0 |0P j#i 0b 00# j#0. j#01 j#01 j001 W00< j#01 00F |0# 00 40 j01 j#i 40 00D j#0. |006 j#01 d001 000 j#01 00T j#f .0F W0 j#1 j#i 40 00A j#0. :00k j#0L W00l 000 j#01 001 .00000000000 40 j#1 j#i W# 00T j#0. j#01 j#0# 000 000, j#01 !!' .00000000000 j# j#1 j#i 0f !!' j#0. d001 -#00, _000 4#0L,_d001 0# W0 j#1 00ya#0La01 j#0Lad000 4000y0001 -000000001 j000 |01 00 0A ?00#00000 ?000 j#000000' "#00000@ 4#0004001 j#00 j01 |0f j01 "!'-!!!! |000 "!!"40P' "*#009 "!!'j001 "!!! "!` "!' 40L. ., -!!! a W001 4000000i 00000000 the virgin issue :} "!#0P!' 0000000' released - 2000.01.11 !!99!!' Phrack: we come in peace $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ [____________________t a b l e o f c o n t e s t______________________] | | [ the hax0rs handbook ]____________________________________[ u b e r b 0 b ] | | [Etch-A-Sketch Technical FAQ ]_________________________________[ u n e e k ] | | [ uber e-light hax0rl0g ]________________________[ p r a e / r a p t u r e ] | | [ the three types of averages ]______________________________[ a f w a 3 f ] | | [ hax0r rap song ! ]___________________________________[ s o m e g i m p ] | | [ HWA digested ]___________________________________________[ u b e r b 0 b ] | | [ Life of SuRgE - part 1 ]_____________________________[ s o m e g i m p ] | | [ b0g interviews ]_________________________________________[ r a p t u r e ] | | [ cybersex ]___________________________________________[ s o m e g i m p ] | | [ QBASIC ]_______________________________________________[ n i e m a n d 1 ] | | [ 0wning IRC – Ninja style ]_____________________________________[ p r a e ] | | [ escalator fun ]________________________________________________[ c a m o ] | | [ IRC logs ]_________________________________________[ m i s c g i m p s ] | | [ how to harass the police and be cool ]_______________[ s o m e g i m p ] | | [ smoke ]__________________________________________________[ u b e r b 0 b ] | | [ the art of pimping IRC ]_____________________________[ s o m e g i m p ] | | [ boring crap ]______________________________________[ m i s c g i m p s ] | | $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 1 ]********************** $ by: b0b $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ t h e u l t i m a t e h a x 0 r i n g h a n d b o o k ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> STUFF TO DO WHEN YOU AREN'T HAX0RING, CYBERING OR SEKS0RING TO IMPROVE YOUR IMAGE AS A K-RAD HAX0R. $- CHANT UNIX COMMANDS WHEN YOUR IN PUBLIC ( CROWDED BUSSES, THE RECORD STORE AND BARS ARE ALL PERFECT) THIS WILL NOT ONLY GIVE IMPRESSION OF HOW LEET YOU TRULY ARE BUT IT WILL ALSO MAKE YOU THE MOST PH33R3D KID ON THE BLOCK. $- BUY A ROOTSHELL CAPS. BUY WELL KNOW HAX0RING FEATURED CLOTHES ; CdC, L0PHT, DEFCON, R00TFEST, FREE KEVIN, FUCK JP, ETC IF YOU CANT AFFORD TO BUY LEET CLOTHES LIKE THESE YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE YOUR OWN. GO WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS: - PH33R ¤!%"#%¤ - I CRACKED WHITEHOUSE.GOV - ZYKLON WAS MY CELLMATE, I R00TED HIM - TIMUTSHU IS A WANKER $- GET A BINARY TATTOO $- GO TO A PAINT STORE AND ASK FOR A BOX OF "#C0C0C0" USE THE PAINT TO PAINT 0'S AND 1'S ON EACH WALL IN YOUR HOUSE (R00M IF YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOM AND/OR DAD). $- MAKE A K-RAD SITE WHERE YOU POST ALL YOUR EXPLOITS, A LIST OF ALL YOUR HACKS, A LIST OF WHO'S NEXT !"#@¤, A SHOUTOUT SECTION TO ALL THE GROUPS AND NAMES YOU EVER READ ABOUT IN HNN, A FUCK 0FF SECTION TO ALL THE GROUPS AND NAMES YOU EVER READ ABOUT IN HNN $- PERFECTIONIZE THE ART OF LAUGHING "HEH" IN REAL LIFE. $- ENCRYPT EVERY HANDWRITTEN PIECE OF PAPER YOU MAKE, EVEN SCRIBBLES, AND BURN THE ORIGINALS. $- MAKE THIS: * YOUR SIGNATURE $- IF SOMEONE IS IGNORANT ENOUGH TO MAKE FUN OF YOU, PICK ON YOU, HARASS YOU, BEAT YOU, KICK YOU IN THE MACS, TELL MOMMY JOKES ABOUT YOUR MOM, OR DO ANYTHING AT ALL THAT CAN BE CONSIDERED CRUEL AND MEAN, JUST LAUGH "HEH" AND CHANT UNIX COMMANDS TILL THEY STOP AND LEAVE $- MAKE FUN OF THE CASHIER ( NOT RECOMMENDED IF SHE'S A CHIX0R, UNLESS YOUR GAY OF COURSE ), IF ITS A DUDE OR A HIGH SCHOOL BULLY DROPOUT THAT'S EVEN BETTER. SAY MEAN THINGS LIKE : - OH MAN YOUR TYPING IS SLOW - HAVEN'T I CYBERED YOU SOMETIME? - AREN'T YOU ONE OF THE GUYS FROM VILLAGE PEOPLE? - I COULD R00T YOUR STORES LAME NETWORK IN 6 SEC's USING NOTHING BUT NETSTAT - YOU MAKE JP SEEM LEET - WHAT'S THAT PERFUME YOUR WEARING, "CAROLYN MEINEL "? (YOU HAVE TO BE PRETTY LEET TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE) AND FINALLY, AND THIS IS A CLASSIC: LAUGH "HEH" AND CHANT UNIX COMMANDS $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 2 ]********************** $ by: j00n33k $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ E t c h – A – S k e t c h T e c h n i c a l F A Q ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Q: My Etch-A Sketch has funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it. $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 3 ]********************** $ by: bob $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ u b e r e - l i g h t h a x 0 r l 0 g ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> [Hax0r]% telnet user209-141-75-66.netcarrier.net Trying 209.141.75.66...Connected to user209-141-75-66.netcarrier.net Escape character is '^]'. Login: root Password: Last login: Fri Dec 24 16:16:43 from user209-141-75-66.netcarrier.net [root@localhost /root]$ h0h0h0h0h0h0 bash: h0h0h0h0h0h0: bad command or file name [root@localhost]$ oH fUCK jEW!@# bash: oH fUCK jEW!@#: bad command or file name [root@localhost]$ cd / [root@localhost]$ ls bin boot etc lib mnt root syn.log usr bkup dev home lost+found proc sbin tmp var [root@localhost]$ whoami root [root@localhost]$ FuCKiNG Wo00Ga i DiD.. oF cOURse Th0.. I aM lEeT@#! bash: FuCKiNG Wo00Ga i DiD.. oF cOURse Th0.. I aM lEeT@#!: bad command or file name [root@localhost]# who root Rapture [root@localhost]$ h0h0 Rapture's 1n t00 bash: h0h0 Rapture's 1n t00: bad command or file name [root@localhost]$ echo ph34r m3 >> /etc/rc.d/rc.local [root@localhost]$ kill -9 all [root@localhost]$ rm -rf / [root@localhost]$ exitLogout. [209.141.75.66] $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 4 ]********************** $ by: afwa3f $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ t h e t h r e e t y p e s o f a v e r a g e s ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> HeLLo AnArChisTs, i h0Pe y0U enJ0y mUhH TeXt PhiLe. k0mMentZZ and SugGesti0nZZZ g0 t0 U-Haul@writeme.com. Sorry about everything being aligned in a screwed up way. The Three Types of Averages are: mean (most often referred to as "the average") median mode The mean is the sum of a set of numbers divided by the number of items (numbers) in that set. The median is the middle value in a set of data. The mode is the data item that occurs most often. Mean Example : Miss Sculco gave a math test for her small class. The scores of the test were 25, 85, 100, 95, 75. Find the mean average. Set of numbers = {25, 85, 100, 95, 75} The sum of the set = 25+85+100+95+75 = 380 The number of items = 5 Mean average = sum of the set divided by the number of items = 380 divided by 5 = 76 Mean average = 76 The mean average of the scores of Miss Sculco's test was 76. Median Example: Miss Sculco wanted to find the median shoe size for the students in her class. The sizes were 8, 7, 4, 6, 7, 10, 9, 13, and 7. Find the median. set of data = {8, 7, 4, 6, 7, 10, 9, 13, 7} Median\middle value in a set of data. to find it, put the numbers in order from greatest to least. 4, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13 Now, just find the number in the middle of the set of numbers. median = 7 Mode Example: Miss Sculco wanted to find the mode shoe size for the students in her class. Refer to the above problem for the shoe sizes. What is the mode? Mode = data item that occurs most often. 7 occurs most often in the above set of numbers. therefore, 7 is the mode shoe size. (All the other numbers only appeared once, and 7 appeared three times) WeLL, i h0Pe y0U EnJ0yEd My TeXt PHiLe. $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 5 ]********************** $ by: unknown $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ h a x 0 r r a p s o n g ! ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> It's All About The Pentiums It's all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! (Yeah!!) What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don't read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It's all about the Pentiums, what? You gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen You've got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You're the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? Uh, uh, loggin' in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got'em all printed out on my bedsheets My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you've had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique! Your laptop is a month old? Well, that's great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operating system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed'em While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin' It does all my work without me even askin' Got a flat-screen monitor, 40" wide I believe that yours says, "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user You've got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you What? It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! It's all about the Pentiums! What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? What? $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 6 ]********************** $ by: b0b $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ H W A d i g e s t e d ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> HWA.hax0r.news is sponsored by Cubesoft communications www.csoft.net and www.digitalgeeks.com http://www.csoft.net/~hwa http://www.digitalgeeks.com/hwa [ 28 63 29 20 31 39 39 39 20 63 72 75 63 69 70 68 75 78 20 68 77 61 ] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ========================================================================== = <=-[ HWA.hax0r.news ]-=> = ========================================================================== [=HWA'99=] The compressed digested 1999 issue ========================================================================== [ 61:20:6B:69:64:20:63:6F:75: ] [ 6C:64:20:62:72:65:61:6B:20:74:68:69:73: ] [ 20:22:65:6E:63:72:79:70:74:69:6F:6E:22:! ] ========================================================================== Here follows a brief summary of the 1999 HWA news. 1: Microsoft sucks 2: JP is a gimp -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- --EoF-HWA-EoF--EoF-HWA-EoF--EoF-HWA-EoF--EoF-HWA-EoF--EoF-HWA-EoF-- (c) 1998, 1999, 2000 (c) Cruciphux/HWA.hax0r.news (r) Cruciphux is a trade mark of Harpies With Ailments corp. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 7 ]********************** $ by: b0b $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ a d a y i n t h e l i f e o f S u R g E ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> SuRgE wakes up one morning, and while still bleary-eyed, goes to pee. He suddenly realizes that his dick is bright orange. He hops in the shower, and rubs and scrubs, but it is still bright orange. "Well," he thinks to himself "it doesn't hurt, and I don't feel sick, may as well go to work." A few hours later at work, he has to pee again. While standing in the employees restroom at a urinal, one of his co-workers happens to look over and see the orange appendage. "Your dick is orange!" the co-worker exclaims. To which SuRgE says "I know. It was like that when I woke up." "If I were you" says the co-worker, "I'd go see the company doctor right away." Taking his advice, SuRgE goes to the doctor. After several tests, the doctor says "It's orange alright! There is no medical reason that it should be. Did you do anything unusual this weekend?" "Nope" SuRgE says. "I just sat around the whole weekend, watching porno’s, and eating Cheetos." $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 8 ]********************** $ by: r4p $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ b 0 g i n t e r v i e w s ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> *** Now talking in #b0g *** k-rad-bob (mobys_dick@mp-217-222-7.daxnet.no) has joined #b0g hello welcome bob thanks this is a serious interview so i expect honest and truth to start with are you ereet? okay yes but only to some degree do you lead b0g? not really, i founded it and came up with the whole concept, so i guess its only natural to look at me as some sort of leader so like yes who are current members of b0g? heh right now its like me,prae,bio,shr0t,prae,you,tress,n twist maybe even poet so quite a few yes :) does b0g condone the acts of its homosexual member prae ? well we are a bunch of unique and open minded individuals we're not too happy about it but thats his way of life what does b0g think of the homosexual anal fiend evilflow? r0bberz is a pretty weird kid define weird he has some skills but he never gets to establish himself well you never know where you have him and he doesnt really let anyone know who he really is and he can be an total asshole at times :) ok will b0g be defacing any websites? eventually im sure thats bound to happen any websites you’d like to see go down? besides www.hampsterdance.com i would have to say www.l0pht.com does b0g have plans for world domination? yes but thats confidential will there be any b0g sluts for the members to fuck senseless? it better! right now we only have prae though will there be a b0g website in the near future? definitely and run a spell check when your done ;) this interview is uncut fuck thanx for your time your welcome :) *** Rapture sets mode: +b *!*obys_dick@*.daxnet.no *** k-rad-bob was kicked by Rapture (you were globally fucked up) *** Now talking in #b0g *** Niquette (niquejohns@pm5-7.hci.net) has joined #b0g ::: [ping(Niquette)]: 10s welcome to b0g thank you, glad to be here please note this is uncut *lmfao* lol good :) so Neek, may i call you neek? if you want.. i prefer Goddess though, but whatever floats your boat ok.... what is a nice young lady like yourself doing "hanging out" with the people in #k-rad ? well, bob invited me a long time ago, and i got addicted to it i guess. Besides the people of k-rad are harmless.. well except for bob and his notepad ;) how about the raving homosexual prae ? you dont think him and his 2" cock are dangerous? not really. Prae is usually nice, but i think he is hitting puberty right now. so will you be reading the b0g newsletter that would explain the horniness and fowl stenches yea probably i just asked bob if i could put an article in it so hopefully i can write one! thank you for your time neek *** Rapture sets mode: +b *!*@pm5-7.hci.net *** Niquette was kicked by Rapture (0wn3d) *** Now talking in #b0g *** vince (~vince@195.13.119.226) has joined #b0g K. *** Retrieving #b0g info... *** Rapture sets mode: +nti Welcome to b0g! thx please note this is live and uncut alright so vince, its coming up to y2k whats going to happen? Not much, y2k is gonna be a big flop ok most shit that happpens is gonna be cause of ppl thinking shit will happen .. and rioting and shit. are you ereet? i dunno, whats ereet? ;P~ ereet = elite thats a judgement other people make for me ... and i was being sarcastic. :oP~ have you ever been "haxored" nope. what are you currently working on? tons of stuff, i have a security job coming up for the candian government, i own a acting agency in london .. and i'm developing and online database of the actors .. php/mysql stuff mostly. s/candian/canadian and what are your future plans? i have most of my life planned, at the moment its make money and move out to kansas .. then i'm gonna go back to highschool there, and college .. etc. any goals you plan to set yourself? survive, be happy, make money. so, lets talk OS's okay whats your current favourite? linux still, i've been fucking with freebsd lately, but it doesn't like the ethernet card i have in my laptop .. none of the bsd's like pcmcia very much .. :o\ any OS you would like to try? solaris on a sparc which flavour of linux is your personal choise? debian/redhat any you wouldnt like to use? slack/caldera well is slack still glibc5? -g * Rapture would never touch clack slack unknown if slack isnt just libc5 now, then slack'd be kinda sweet well thanx for your time vince done? k *** Rapture sets mode: +b *!*@195.13.119.226 *** vince was kicked by Rapture (0wn3d) *** Now talking in #b0g *** Prae2k (~ph33r@dialup135.fawlty.kingston-internet.net) has joined #b0g die homosexual die *** Rapture sets mode: +b *!*@dialup135.fawlty.kingston-internet.net *** Prae2k was kicked by Rapture (h0h0) $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ ***********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 9 ]********************** $ by: unknown $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ c y b e r s e x l o g ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Hello, Amy. What do you look like? I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from WalMart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. I want you. Would you like to screw me? OK We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. I'm moaning softly. I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry. That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. I'll pay for it. Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck Do you have any scissors? I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. What? I'm so sorry. Really. I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. What's the matter? I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Are you OK? I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Can I help? I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? In the cabinet to the right of the sink. I'm drinking a cup of water. there, that's better. Come back to me, lover. I'm washing the cup now. I'm on the bed arching for you. I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Last door on the left at the end of the hall. I found it. I'm tugging' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Me too. Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other. Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Why don't you take off your glasses? OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Hurry back, lover. I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. I'm waiting eagerly for your return. I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! What's the matter now? I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Mmm, yes. Come on. OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! I'm flaccid. What? I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! *** amy14 has quit IRC (fucking kl00less gimp!) $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 10 ]********************** $ by: n1e $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ Q B A S I C ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Do you ever need a simple program and you dont want to fumble with a complex programming language like C to make it? Need something Quick, easy to make, and works efficient? Believe it or not, if you have MS-DOS (not the version that comes with Windows), then you also have a very powerful, yet simple programming tool called QBASIC. The version of QB you get with DOS is not the compiler version, so you cannot make executables with it, but there is a way around this i will explain in a little bit. First thing you need to do is open the MS-DOS prompt from windows, type: qbasic then hit enter. If you have used MS-Edit before than you will notice it looks almost exactly like it, and it should be somewhat easier to figure out. A window will pop up when you first enter the program, hit escape to close this window. now you will have an untitled file just waiting for your fingertips to fill it up. Lets start by writing the forever popular Hello World! program. 1 CLS PRINT "Hello World!" END Now try running the program by hitting Alt, R, then Enter. If you did not make any typos it will run the program and you will see a blank screen with 'Hello World!' at the top and 'Press Any Key To Continue' at the bottom. How it worked: 1 (The line number, not really needed in QBASIC unless you use GOTO commands) CLS (Clears the screen of any text or graphics) PRINT "Hello World!" (Prints any text encircled by the "s) END (Tells the computer that this is the end of the program) Now lets go a little more in-depth with some more powerful commands. 1 CLS INPUT "What is your name"; name$ CLS PRINT "Hello"; name$ END Now if you run this program you will first be prompted a question, 'What is your name?', you can type in anything you want here (it cannot go over a certain amount of characters, but i forgot how many). Next when you press enter it will say 'Hello Joe Lamer' (or whatever you said your name was), then it will end. How it worked: First I must point out the this ---> name$ What is this you ask? It is called a variable, a variable in algebra is a number with no given value, in QBASIC it is the same thing, only it can be letters also. it can also be called anything you like it to be called as long as it does not go over 30 characters (I think) and that it has a $ at the end of it. Example: stupidnameforavariable$ 1 CLS INPUT "What is your name"; name$ (Asks for input and assigns the input to the variable) CLS PRINT "Hello"; name$ (says 'Hello' and also prints the variable) END Now your thinking, this is cool, but I have to open this QBASIC program to run the programs, I sure as hell don't want to do that. Well guess what, there is a way around this, all you have to do is this: 1. open a text editor program and write the following: @qbasic /run programname.bas 2. Save this as programname.bat (programname is whatever you named your program, duh). 3. put the file in the same directory you saved your program What you just did is simple, you made a file called a batch file. Batch files run a series of commands that you dont want to type over and over again at the DOS prompt. One example is autoexec.bat in your C:\ directory. This batch file is run every time you start your computer to set up sound cards, video cards, start windows, run virus scan, etc. If you wanted to, you could put the above commands at the bottom of your autoexec.bat so every time you start your computer it runs that program. If your really good at ASCII art you could make a QB program to print out a kewl logo every time you started up your PC. Or.... you could even make your PC password protected at startup like this: 1 CLS INPUT "Please enter your password now ", passwd$ IF passwd$ = "yourpasswordgoeshere" THEN GOTO 2 CLS PRINT "INCORRECT PASSWORD!!! Please try again." SLEEP 1 GOTO 1 2 END Note: This program would be easy to bypass if you forgot your password, all you would have to do is restart your computer then hold shift as soon as you see it say 'Sarting MS-DOS'. You would keep your hand on the shift key until you see the "C:\>" come up, then let go. The shift key tells the computer not to load the autoexec.bat or config.sys file. You would have access to the computer but might not be able to start windows because of drivers not being loaded. Then you could open up your program and change the password and reset the PC. Now your thinking, so what good is this program if somebody can just hold the shift key? Believe it or not, most people are not too smart when it comes to DOS, in fact, I know people who are actually afraid of it. So you could easily keep your little brother or sister of your computer, but if you invited a hacker over to get through your password, he would laugh at you. How it worked: 1 CLS INPUT "Please enter your password now ", passwd$ IF passwd$ = "yourpasswordgoeshere" THEN GOTO 2 (this compares the variable with the password, CLS if it is correct it will go to line 2, if not PRINT "INCORRECT PASSWORD!!! Please try again." it will just continue the program) SLEEP 1 (This tells the PC to wait one sec, then go on) GOTO 1 (This tells the PC to go to line 1) 2 END Don't be afraid to play with the programs a little bit, none of the commands i included here can damage your computer. What you just learned is only the tip of the iceberg, QBASIC can do much much more than just this simple crap. You can do graphics and sounds with QBASIC, and complex math functions. If you enjoyed programming in this language, then I suggest you get a copy of QBASIC for Dummies, the printing company is called IDG. The book is very easy to follow, and gives a better understanding of QBASIC. Hope you enjoyed this article. niemand1 **EOF** $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 11 ]********************** $ by: prae $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ I R C n i n j a s k i l l s ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> How to get Banned from a Channel in IRC (Part 1) I like to think of getting Banned as an Art I hope you will someday too... First you must join a channel, (e.g. /join #gaydogsex). Then you should get something like this:- [20:56] *** Now talking in #gaydogsex [20:56] *** Topic is '<¡¡¡¡NO PICS OR TRADING!!!!> Dobermans and other breeds and the guys who love them deep inside'... WWW.DogSex.Org' [20:56] *** Set by Woof on Tue Jan 11 18:41:25 Simple, huh? Then you need to look at the Ops (Channel Operators). Operators in #gaydogsex - @NyDog @BaltDog @Trelton @CalDog @Buttons @Greatdane @Knot @YiffyDog @Dog @Woof Now I have picked my victim (Woof) and I'm ready to get banned, There are a few ways to get banned the one I'm showing you is calLed:- 'Abusing The Ops' So what do we do now? Okay, now we think of something funny yet insulting to say to our victim... (WE DONT WANT TO GET BANNED RIGHT AWAY!) For example: [21:11] Woof, How does it feel to have a big ol' Dog dick in your ass? [21:12] it feels great :-) [21:12] Did you ever get your asshole torn? [21:12] nope [21:12] You're pretty lucky then [21:13] well in 22 years of being fucked by dogs i never have Note: I was making fun of him, but not in an explicit way.. Now we shall move on to more advanced stuff! Being an expert at getting banned I know what the Ops do and don't like... Five things they do not like:- 1, They don't like you questioning their autority! Example: Why the fuck do you hitlist people!? that is soooooo fucking gay!!! Woof I think you're just a big useless fag! *** You were kicked from #gaydogsex by Woof (Shut Up.) #gaydogsex unable to rejoin channel (you're banned!) I mean shit.. That was soo easy. Let's move on to something more fun! 2, They hate you spamming shit like an AOL'er Example: [21:30] NOWAY MY BROTHER IS STEVEN TYLURZ MOM AND HE SEZ THAT IT WUZ ALL HIS DOING FOR THAT GAME AND SO I MUST BE RITE AND SO YOU JUST ALL SUCK DICK ASS FAG CLIT SAQ! [21:30] WHUT THA FUCK R J00 SHITTING, NIGGR0X? [21:30] I WNET TO JAHMEKKUH FOR VAYCAYSHUN ONEC AND DAY SED HEY MON AND SO I WUZ LIKE FUQSAQ J0UR ASSCLITSAX RASTANBOOEYZ!!! DEN DEY PUT MUHAYAZZ BACK ON DE PLAYNE HOME... [21:30] DONT TELL ME THAT CUZ WHEN I WUZ YOUNGRR THEY TRIED TO KILL ME TOO AND IT HURTZ WHEN YOU TALK LIKE THAT [21:31] *** You were kicked from #gaydogsex by Woof (Join #AOL !!) #gaydogsex unable to rejoin channel (you're banned!) h0h0h!!!! I 0wned! 3, They hate you /msg'ing them with gay shit Example: [21:41] -> *Woof* I want to fuck you in the ass, soooooo badly!!! [21:41] *Woof* your a sick fuck [21:31] *** You were kicked from #gaydogsex by Woof (your sick!) #gaydogsex unable to rejoin channel (you're banned!) Easy! 4, I like to scare/disgust the normal users... Example: [21:44] I like to lick my cats asshole! [21:44] eww.. [21:44] Slowly probing its stinky sphincter. [21:44] * GrumDMY barfs [21:44] haha [21:31] *** You were kicked from #gaydogsex by Woof (Stay out!) #gaydogsex unable to rejoin channel (you're banned!) All in a days work! 5, Lets use a ping flood!!!!! Example: -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING -> [Woof] PING [21:31] *** You were kicked from #gaydogsex by Woof (lamer) #gaydogsex unable to rejoin channel (you're banned!) To be continued... - Prae $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 12 ]********************** $ by: camo $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ E s c a l a t o r p h u n ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Requirements: - Escalator - A handful of coins (no coins smaller than a nickel, use nickels and quarters if possible) This text shows you how to damage an escalator. Instructions ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go to a clothing store, or any store with an escalator. Go to the escalator, turn your head to the right, do you see any security guards or store officials? If yes, pretend you're looking at something the store is selling. If no, turn your head to the left, do you see any security guards or store officials? If yes, pretend you're looking at something the store is selling. If no then we'll have some fun. Are you following me? Do you understand? Good, go on the escalator, take out all your coins, put as many as you can in the cracks of the escalator. Oh, one more thing, make sure that nobody is on the escalator, or you're in trouble. Try putting a coin in each of the cracks. It should look something like this: | | | | | | | | coin | coin | coin | coin | coin | etc | | crk1 | crk2 | crk3 | crk4 | crk5 | etc | | | | | | | | Now put your left foot forward then your right foot, and then repeat this process 5 times, it's called walking, you would find that very useful in your anarchy career. Next, put your right foot behind your left foot if you're a righty, and do the opposite if you're a lefty, now turn your body in a clockwise motion 180 degrees (half a turn). Now position your pupils so that they're pointing towards and focused at the coins on the escalator. When the coins reach the top or bottom, it will bounce, only some will go in and ruin the escalator. The ones that fall out? I think you will know what to do. You've acquired the required anarchy skills from this text to figure out what to do. After you hear the loud noise with your ears, walk (I taught you how to do that above) away only much quicker. Conclusion: I hope you learned a lot from this text. This little trick was discovered by me, Camo. Take credit for this an you die. Remember, I'm not responsible for what you do with this. Happy escalating'! $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 13 ]********************** $ $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ i r c l o g s ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> i was in #rhino9 last night, them fuckers are idiots *** cum (~james@cr787472-a.wlfdle1.on.wave.home.com) has joined #jesus *** RLoxley (~mageus2@dialup-209.246.91.90.NewYork2.Level3.net) has joined #jesus *** Rokketrol (Rokketroll@mp-40-251.daxnet.no) has joined #jesus cum, behave or else what i do what you are planning that was what worried me *** |LoCo| (LoCo@spc-isp-ktc-uas-05-3.sprint.ca) has joined #jesus ok *** |LoCo| (LoCo@spc-isp-ktc-uas-05-3.sprint.ca) has left #jesus if he gives you a hard time, let me know *** RLoxley (~mageus2@dialup-209.246.91.90.NewYork2.Level3.net) has left #jesus *** madhadder has joined #hacktech hi, I am a small buisness owner, and am about to hire a Steven Whipple, I am on a low low budget and was wondering if anyone knew of any ways I could access psychiatric and criminal reports on this individual? I have to take a shit so bad its going to feel like im giving birth through my ashole i can pull my scrotum up to the point where it looks like a pussy this bird asked me to lick her pussy and i said to her, fuck off have you smelt it down there tress, how do I make a program that makes the cd spin really fast and does't stop and if you open the cdrom drive, the cd flies out and cuts your throat? 18/bi/m/fl/pics/msg me esp if u give head i own a wide spread collection of jappanese vagina hairs that date back to the 14th century.. working sucks, i stay home all day i might as well be black is anyone in here at there computer at the moment? you think slipknot sucks? yeah chaot1c bend over and shove your head directly up your ass I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. i need to hit someone a guy from work just came online can we smurf him bob. i made one phone call with him. we told ryans mom we were gonna kill her and break bottles over her head :/ <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *** thep0et sets mode: +m *** thep0et sets mode: -m <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *** thep0et sets mode: +m *** thep0et sets mode: -m <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <{Roya|e}> YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *** thep0et sets mode: +m Bob i was kidding i know :) *** Retrieving #k-rad info... *** k-rad-bob sets mode: -m <{Roya|e}> <{Roya|e}> <{Roya|e}> <{Roya|e}> *** Retrieving #k-rad info... <{Roya|e}> *** k-rad-bob sets mode: +m stop *** {Roya|e} has quit IRC (Excess Flood) if only you knew if only p00r p0et tou could understandhow mcuh i want to pound your wet cunt *** Lorn has quit IRC (I was once told by a co-worker that life is like a penis, it's hard...and way too short...) p0et, i bet your own mom hides from you your crazy man, i wouldnt let you babysit my dog his 2 toned skin, that of black and white makes me sick yet makes me tingle i grab him by his fubu shirt and rip off his reeboks i proceed to stab him repeatidly hoping his color will soon change an open blade to scalp the face ridding him of his nigger skin now hes pink and fleshy like pussy im sitting here missing Juli and debating whether to masterbating using vaseline or crisco cooking oil, both work great [CHAOTlC PING reply]: 8mins 6secs and have sewage rubbed in there faces while rats chew on there fingers while they have industrial strength tape ripped off there legs *** tefx is now known as [][][] *** [][][] changes topic to 'Best halloween costume: Lector. 2nd Place : Trench Coat Mafia Member' *** [][][] is now known as tefx alpha, can you do me a huge ass favor *** AlphaTec has left #k-rad weird oriental dude on my tv smeared himself in blue paint, shot his aquarium and chocked on his goldfish lmao LOL WHAT THE HELL!! tv doesnt get much better then this your so mature and funny it breaks my heart to see you single how can i connect to a proxy using just the URL ? I'm here to dampen your panties and chew bubble gum.....and I'm all out of bubble gum. *** Topic is '"Okay class, whats the opposite of here? Thats right, its away. Away means you are not here." So why the fuck do people message me again and again when I'm away?' a dude in yahoo asked how to change a gif image to jpg format so i told him to rename the gif, win.ini and put it in the windows folder then reboot well if its me and two chicks then i can live with it, but if its me and a chick and another guy then its not going to happen agreed chicks must be the same number as men, or more THESE ARE THE ORGY RULES ok, u got a mousse aerosol and a q-tip near you? (__)########D for fuck sake that is gross oh shut up my penis , erect, is 3 inches if that why dont they tell her that they want to screw her but they tell me instead what am i supposed to say "take a number?" someone at school fell, and as he was falling ,he grabbed on to my testicles and it saved him from falling. what do I do? if you are in mirc type this to reveal the secret picture of the guy who made mirc nakid //$left(quiet, 3) $+ $left(thomas,1) $left(I, 1) $left(am, 2) $left(all, 1) $left(fucked, 1) $+ $left(and, 1) $+ $left(glad, 1) $+ $left(goats, 2) $+ $right(left, 1) i only love them hoes for the night then you wake up i hate it when im drinking chocolate milk and i put some spoonfulls of powder into my glass and then i find out that the carton of milk is fucking empty and i snarl and smack the class into my bedroom walls *** The0ry has quit IRC ((_(_)############D~~ suck it bitch) I'm getting a tissue. Brb *** Topic is '[g0d@lamesville t00l5] ./sscan | ./hack && echo "w3 4r3 31337" | mail -s "heh" hacked@attrition.org' $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 14 ]********************** $ by: unknown $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ h o w t o h a r a s s t h e p 0 l i c e ! % @ ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race 3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...... 5. Ask if you can see his gun. 6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger 7. Touch him 8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. 9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 10. Refer to him by his first name 11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 12. When he says no, cry. 13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment. 14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. 15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood 16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that 17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first" 18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers. 19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name." 20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one. 21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it. 22. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!" 23. Trip and fall into him 24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away 25. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with hispen. 26. Chew on the pen, nervously 27. Clean your ear with the pen 28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring 29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar..... 30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was 31. Act like you are retarded 32. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly. 33. Mumble to yourself 34. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE? 35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here tonight....... 36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts. 37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours! 38. Ask if he watches Cops 39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock. 40. Giggle if he did 41. Talk to your hand 42. Ask if he knows some one named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends. 43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does. 44. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin. 45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it. 46. Try to sell him your car. 47. Ask if you can buy his car. 48. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front. 49. Play with the siren. 50. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner. 51. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner 52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er 53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle. 54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues 55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh. 56. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing 57. Turn your head and whistle. 58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that 59. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date. 60. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine. 61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!" 62. Tell him you like men in uniform. 63. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 15 ]********************** $ by: b0b $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ s m o k e ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> I am smiling a complacent smile as I look out through the pathetic curtains, out of the window, out at her. She has her back turned against me where she stands, talking to Annie, a girl that has never even glanced at me or - god forbid - talked to me; but there is a great possibility that she have talked about me. "He's so godfuckin' strange", I imagine her saying, with her usual I-am-god's-gift-to-man-as-well-as-the-whole-fucking-humanity-look that is known as her trademark. Then she would make a funny face just to show how much she means it, before continuing with something like "He's always looking at me. Gives me the creeps." Annie is one of those ladies that are so out-of-this-world fuckable and perfect - when it comes to looks, at least - that no one even dares to try. She must be artificial, probably coming from a galaxy at the other side of the Milky Way, or perhaps another dimension - maybe she is just an illusion. An unexplained phenomenon created out of occasional events in nature and science's chaotic existence. She scares me, forces me away, banishes me to a land of shadow beyond the sun at the other side of the moon. I never quite reach a full orgasm when I summon the picture - the manipulated image of her that only exists in the wildest of my fantasies: She's naked, vulgar, nothing but a cheap hooker, and I take her by force. I rush over her like some kind of animal - summon her picture inside me and leaves my body to attend itself. She screams, whines, and her long fingernails creates small red paths all over me. When I reach climax the image disappears in flash of a moment and I feel empty. All pleasure vanish and I feel dirty, ashamed. Annie pretends that she does not see me. But I know she does, because all of a sudden she appears nervous. I bet she is sweating, that her hands are locked into each other behind her back like two small white knots. Then she suddenly turns against me, looking straight at me and I turn away my face so hard and violently that I almost snap my neck. I can feel my eyeballs banging into my skull before finding rest in their favorite position - focused yet not focused at anything specific. My mind and body implode. I curse myself for making it so clear, so obvious that I am afraid of her. She knows I am in her power, and she is enjoying every moment of it even if she is not showing it. I hate her. I am confused. Go away, get lost! my mind yells until she finally leaves. Rachel is left behind, standing there all alone. She turns, giving me a smile when she sees me, then walks toward the door. Inside she buys a soft drink and she sucks in the stream of juice between her lips as she sits down right in front of me. "Hi." She says, smiling. I hate her too. I love her for what she can make me feel and I hate her for what she can do to me. "Go to hell" she could say, crushing my heart in her hands and then tear it apart right before my eyes. I am powerless and afraid. I do not have control; I rush through my life, I try to satisfy myself and I try hard to avoid getting hurt. I really want the alien being that is me to have such a good time as possible. I dream about material benefits and fear emotions. Rachel is still smiling. She has a wonderful smile and I wish that I too could smile so heartily. I smile back, but it is only a defensive reflex. As long as I am smiling, she will be smiling too, and as long as she is smiling, I will be happy. Because then I have something to smile about. She lights a cigarette and exhales smoke. I do not like myself when I am smiling, I seem so distant and strange. False and artificial. Do I really have any reason to smile? I do smile when I know I have something that I wanted for some time, and I stop smiling when I realize that it is only a matter of time before it disappears. When I am not smiling, I am thinking. About her, and all the other things that can go wrong. I am about to say something to her, maybe "You're really beautiful today" or "I'm so glad to see you" or plain and simple "I love you". I want to say it to her. I want her to know that I love her so she can say the same thing to me and we can smile together, united and equal. Two pieces complementing each other. Two pieces being held together by the same thing, that can tear them apart anytime. I like to touch her. I like to feel the heat that is her. I feel so much more alive when she is gasping and moaning in sexual arousal and I look forward to make love to her. I am under heavy pressure. I have to satisfy her. I have to. There is no way around it. She wants me to do it and she has given me the opportunity several times. "I want you" she gasped into my ear when a long period of chit-chat with her parents was over and we were alone in her room. Her room is small and the walls are empty. I felt at home there. Her father had pretended like he liked me but I know he had big problems trying to accept what would happen to his daughter - his sweet child - when the lights would be turned off and we would be alone together. Had I been a normal person - like her father in his younger days - I would be lying over and in her only minutes after the lights went out. "Turn on the lights again," I said, feeling awfully stupid, ridiculous. A total failure. "What's the matter?" she whispered in the darkness. I could hear that she was worried and doubtful. Her hand slowly withdrew. The touch against the naked skin on my stomach sent a flood of tickling sensations through me. My skin grew goose pimples all over and I left out a moan. I entered another world when she opened up my pants and started caressing me. Tiny electric sparks flashed around inside me, my brain went into automatic and my instincts took over. I moved my hand along her firm skin, away from her small round breasts that had captured my attention, and down. First outside her pants in small rubbing movements - my other hand were somewhere at her back, then she opened her pants, took my hand in hers and guided it inside. I was scared by the first touch. Her pubic hairs felt so astonishingly similar to my own. She moaned, embraced me and mounted me. Then I said it. I could feel my heart beat like it was way too big for its little reserved place. She started massaging it, carefully and tentatively. It grew and felt comfortable between her silky fingers. Come on, don't let me down, I have been waiting for seventeen years for this, feel how wonderful it feels, put me in her! it shouted at me and I closed my eyes. Locked it out. "I can't", I shamefully said with a low and reluctant voice. "Not now." "Why?" The question floated in the air like an emergency flare. "You don't want me?" She laid next to me in the narrow bed. We did not touch each other. I prayed for my brain to return, to give me something sensible to say, something that could explain. She let out a heavy sigh, on the brink of crying. "I do not know what to say." My voice was shaking, like the last leaf fighting the fall. "I want you. I love you." There, now you have said it. That was not so hard, was it? It was hard, so goddamn hard, and I regret saying it the moment I had said it. I was on the verge of crying myself. She must have noticed, because now she was lying with her head on my chest, letting her fingers wander around my ear. They became entangled in my hair, into emotionless pieces of me, comforting me as if I had been a child. We stayed like that, stretched out next to each other, talking, I cried a bit, she cried too, but I think it was only to make me feel better. I did not manage to explain why I could not. I did not know myself, but she told that I did not have to worry. We could do it when I felt ready for it. We went out of the room, her father gave me stabbing looks, but her mother - stepmother, I believe - smiled at us. I kissed Rachel goodbye and left. I was nearly home when the breakdown struck me. She puts her hand atop mine, caressing it. She is smiling. I curse myself for not doing the same thing before her. What can I do now? Her hair, I love it. It is black and smells like heaven, it is alive, healthy and it shines. I want to touch it. Put my fingers inside it and let them go astray there. I have to say something. I have not said anything to her. Anne walks by the window, she pretends like she does not see me and gives Rachel a smile before she disappears. I have not fantasized about her for a long time. Not since the time I realized that Rachel was not unattainable after all. Now my penis is a temple, dedicated only to her. We worship her. She is our goddess. I do not think very much of sex anymore. Earlier I was obsessed by it, used every opportunity to fantasize and imagine how wonderful it would be. So totally perfect. Now I fear the act. I don't know exactly why. I want to do it, with her. I love her. She often said she loved me. She said it as if it was something natural and she made it sound true. After some time, she stopped saying it, probably because I never returned the declaration. I make her feel uncertain. And she is uncertain now. Her eyes are uncertain, they look towards mine, but never meet. She looks at me, I look at her hair. Her fingernails are healthy and smooth, not all chewed up like mine. I wish I could say what she wants to hear. What she needs to hear. Any moment now she will retract her hand, like she had touched a spider. Her face will become twisted in disgust and she will spit angry words at me. Knife cutting words. Words that slash and stab me, and I will just be sitting there, alone, empty, bleeding. I will feel sorry for myself. How could she, I will ask with a crying voice and then shut the answer out. I carefully remove my hand from hers, gently, and light up a cigarette. I exhale smoke. $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 16 ]********************** $ by: unknown $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ p i m p i n g i r c ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> flats: mdrnman........you're such the secret agent Diverge: yeayea i know its pimp undercover flats: double o pimp flats: liscence to pimp Lint^^: octo-pinp flats: golden pimp flats: for your pimp ass only flats: pimp raker flats: from your hooker with love Lint^^: that's all the Bond movies I know decision: pimp is such a funny word Diverge: dr pimp flats: pimp finger Diverge: pimpin eye flats: A view to pimp flats: the pimp with the golden gun flats: you only pimp twice Lint^^: Rasta-Pimp flats: ok back to my pimp movies............ Pimpinator.........Pimp up the volume......Gleaming the Hooker flats: Young Pimps I and II flats: Last pimp goodnite Diverge: back to the pimpness Diverge: 1 2 and 3 decision: pimp malace flats: Empire strikes pimp Diverge: mall pimps flats: return of the hooker Lint^^: Billy Pimpison Diverge: pimp sheep decision: pimpanator Lint^^: Beavis and Pimphead do the ghetto flats: Pimp Hard I II and III flats: Fast Pimpin at Ridgemont High decision: little pimps flats: PimpSport decision: the real pimp flats: PimpBoxer decision: pimp undercover flats: Resivour Pimps Lint^^: Dead Pimps Society Diverge: pimp fiction flats: The First Pimp Lint^^: Top Pimp flats: The Pimp and the Hound Lint^^: 101 Pimps Diverge: interview with a PImp Lint^^: Pimp in Brooklyn Lint^^: The Nutty Pimp flats: Mission Impimpable decision: the night we never pimped flats: The Last Pimp Scout flats: Pimp Liners Lint^^: Pimpbusters flats: Toy Pimps decision: mother pimp Lint^^: Pimp Story flats: Pimp Act I and II Lint^^: Pimps in Toyland Mdrnman: mary pimpins flats: Pimpin Woman Lint^^: Puff the Magic Pimp decision: a pimp in the clouds ( a walk in the clouds) Lint^^: Bill and Pimps Pimin' adventure decision: teenage mutant pimps in a half shell Lint^^: PimpJuice flats: pimp attacks flats: Look Who's Pimping Lint^^: Pimp Durham Lint^^: Pimp of the Year flats: Field Of Pimps flats: raiders of the lost pimp flats: Indiana Pimp and the last Trick Lint^^: Pimp Man Lint^^: Jeryy McPimp Lint^^: Necessary Pimpness Lint^^: Little Pimp League flats: Pimp Big, Pimp Little Lint^^: James and the Giant Pimp Lint^^: The Pimpmare before Christmas Napa|m: beverly hills pimp Lint^^: The Pimp's (preachers) wife flats: Dangerous Pimps Lint^^: Pimp Trek flats: The Year Of Pimping Dangerously flats: 9 1/2 pimps cipher: pimps in da hood flats: New Pimp City cipher: barbed wire pimps flats: White Men Can't Pimp Lint^^: Driving Miss Pimp Lint^^: Pimping Miss daisy Lint^^: Pimpheart flats: pimping girl starring Harrison Pimp Lint^^: Pimp to society cipher: beavis and butthead pimp america flats: SHAFT. Pimps in africa. flats: Pimp Ventura: when the hooker calls Mdrnman: little man PIMP cipher: gone with the pimps flats: Pimp Ventura: Hoe detective Mdrnman: pimp tracy cipher: HO-meward bound for pimps flats: The Pimpstones Lint^^: Pimpin' (Rumble) in the Bronx flats: Big Pimps in Little China flats: NATURAL BORN PIMPERS flats: Pimp Romance Mdrnman: romancing the ho flats: Indiana Pimp and the Whorehouse of Doom flats: Lethal Pimpin flats: Despereately Seeking Hooker flats: History of the Pimp part one Lint^^: Pimp Alone flats: Mystik Pimp tgat: Usual prostitutes Lint^^: Pimp Belle flats: Scent of a Hooker Lint^^: The Pimpfather Mdrnman: cheecha an chong up in ho's Lint^^: Pimpfellas flats: Hookerless tgat: willy wonka and the sex factory flats: Married to the Pimp Lint^^: Pimp Academy 6: Pimpin' in Russia flats: Revenge of the Pimps II: pimps in paradise flats: The Lost Pimps flats: Dirty Pimping Lint^^: Forrest Pimp flats: The Breakfast Pimp........the pimp club tgat: pimp train flats: hookerspotting flats: rocky whore pimp show flats: Circle of Pimps cipher: pimpspotting flats: Don't Tell mom the hooker is dead flats: Jumpin Jack Pimp cipher: Space Pimp flats: The incredable shrinking pimp attack of the 50 ft hooker cipher: honey i blew the kid flats: Operation Pimp Drop cipher: hooker trek flats: Malcom Pimp Lint^^: Higher Pimping flats: Pimping in Action starring Pimp Norris Lint^^: Pimptoon flats: When Harry Met Hooker flats: Pimp Scicorhands Lint^^: PimpBaby flats: The pimping inferno flats: little shop of hookers Lint^^: Pimpdraft flats: im gonna pimp you sucka Mdrnman: gone with the pimp cipher: nightmare on pimp street Lint^^: Do the Pimp Thing flats: piming old men and pimpinger old men Mdrnman: wizard of pimp Lint^^: PimpRaiser flats: The brady pimp cipher: night of the living pimps flats: Pimp Man Forever flats: City Pimpers and City Pimpers II the legend of curly's whore Mdrnman: a thin line between whores and tricks Lint^^: Pimp Story flats: Mad About Tricks cipher: Pimp Hard:Pimp with a vengeance for his money flats: Any which way but pimp Lint^^: Total Pimpcall Lint^^: Planet of the Pimps flats: Lord of the Pimps flats: Johnnie Pimponic cipher: jesus christ pimp star flats: honey i pimped the kids flats: Showpimps Lint^^: PimpGirls flats: Grease Pimp flats: Pimps Like Us flats: Pimp in the sky flats: Pimp and Confused flats: Bacheler Pimp flats: The PimpMaster tgat: plant of the pimps flats: The Dildo in Betty Lou's hand bag tgat: Pimp attacks flats: The Pimp without a face flats: The Pimp of the Opera flats: Pimpenstein Lint^^: Pimps on Parade tgat: my fiar pimp cipher: attack of the pimpin clowns flats: Pimp'd in america cipher: killer pimps from outerspace... tgat: attack of the killer pimps flats: The Shawshank Prostitution flats: Pimp on the side Lint^^: The Pimp of Notre Dame tgat: snw white and the seven pimps cipher: The little pimpmaid tgat: pimp story Lint^^: I got a Pimp Me Elmo doll Lint^^: The Pimps Under the Stairs tgat: Pimps take manhatten tgat: pimp wars flats: Pimplet Lint^^: Miracle on Pimp-ty seventh Street cipher: The three pimps flats: All good pimps go to heaven flats: Leave to Her Beaver cipher: family ties hookers tgat: the XXXFILES tgat: all in the ho Lint^^: Pimpin Las Vegas flats: Happy Pimp Days tgat: Pimp on brooklyn (vampire in brooklyn) flats: Pimp knows Best cipher: Flipper the dolphin pimp Lint^^: The Pimpfessional flats: Pimping single Lint^^: Mr. Pimp tgat: mad about cunt Lint^^: The Pimpsons tgat: the fresh pimp flats: Pimp of No Return flats: Young and the Pimpless cipher: M*A*S*H hookers cipher: Guiding Pimp Lint^^: All My Pimps tgat: pimps (friends) flats: Pimp Improvement tgat: genral pimps Lint^^: The Late Pimp with David Pimperman flats: Pimp Tails cipher: Grace under pimps Lint^^: Wheel of Pimps flats: 21 Pimp Street cipher: Chicago Pimp flats: Unsolved Hookers Lint^^: The Pimps of Hazard flats: Something to Pimp about cipher: 60 pimpin's flats: my step mother is a hooker tgat: the pimpin game Lint^^: Monday Night Pimpball flats: Wide World of Hookers flats: Saturday Night Pimp cipher: NHL national Hooker league flats: Silence of the Pimps Lint^^: Pimpfeld flats: Pimpsons flats: Three's Prostitutes cipher: mama's pimps flats: Muppet Pimps cipher: Pimp Watch.. flats: Alvin and the Pimp Monks Lint^^: In the Heat of the Pimps flats: Teenage Mutant Ninja Pimps Lint^^: America's Finniest Home Pimps flats: Good Morning Pimps cipher: Pimp Nye the hooker guy flats: The Pimping Game flats: Patiroit Pimps flats: Clear and Present Pimping Lint^^: The Jeff Pimpworthy Show cipher: I love Lucy(the pimp) cipher: Dick van Dike show Lint^^: The American Pimpadent flats: Sally Jesse Hooker Lint^^: Inde-pimp-dence Day flats: Forget Pimps flats: Pimp Feud flats: The Pimp is Right? Lint^^: Married With Pimps Lint^^: The Pimp Files flats: Pimp your Luck flats: How the West was pimped Lint^^: Let's Make a Pimp flats: Designing Hookers Lint^^: The Pimp-lywed Game flats: America's Most Wanted Hookers Lint^^: Woody Woodpimper flats: America's Most Pimped flats: Tom and Cherry flats: GI pimp flats: Superpimp Lint^^: Speed Pimper flats: secret world of alex pimp Lint^^: Pimpeye flats: saved by the pimp Lint^^: Ren and Pimpy flats: Pimpy Longstocking flats: Tales From the Pimp Lint^^: Full Whorehouse flats: the pimp panther Lint^^: Pimp of the Jungle flats: Pimp Gadget ( go go gadget johnson!) Lint^^: Scooby Pimp End of #badreligion buffer Tue Dec 31 11:12:55 1996 Breathtaking $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $- $ **********************[ b 0 g - [ a r t i c l e # 17 ]********************** $ by: b0g $ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <> [ b o r i n g c r a p ] <> <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Well thats it. First issue of b0g is d0ne and hopefully you liked it. Sure we’re idiots, sure we’re stealing other peoples stuff ( to some degree, if you claim credit for any of the “unknown” work we have posted here dont hesitate to email us and we’ll do our best to make you happy ? And, yeah, we’re basically a bunch of stupid lamers with weird humor, some of you might enjoy it. This is not meant to be a uber elight zine. To be honest we’ll print just about anything! Just send it to us! Submissions, fan/hate mail, anything at all, mail b0g_contact@hotmail.com And if anything offended you, well you’re a dork! Till next time. 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000 b0g w0rld d0minati0n - br0therh00d 0f gimps 0000000000000000000 0000000000 the b0g newsletter! issue 1! January 2000! ph33r! 000000000000000 @99#0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 1 W000000000@! !0000000000000000P!!!0000000P!N0P!40000000P^ -!000000P!!!0 1 W00000000P -0000000000000001 0000000 00< d000000' -40000T 0 1 W00000000' a j#0000000000000T 000000@ 00 000000' _d000a 4000k 0 1 W0!!N#00@ d0L 00000!!4000000k 000P!!' -!! !9#001 _00@Q00L "000W 0 1 7 4001 .000 N#0P j#0A 000T .000 .0P ' j1 400W 0 1 001 |000, j## j#0W .000T .00f j#` _a dW j#00 0 1 _aa j#1 j#00i j#1 .d0, j#00 :000000 00' #00001 #f _001 j0 :000 .0 1 #001 j#1 j#00i j# J001 j#00 |00000F 00 00000` 01 j001 d0, 000 :# 1 W006 |#1 j#00< j# 0001 j#00 |000001 j#@ |00000. 01 j#01 j0; 000 :0 1 W00k :01 ?#00` j# 0001 j#00 j00W 000; 01 j#01 d0 .000 ?0 1 W001 j#1 000 W0 N001 j#00aad00W 0001 01 j#01 j0 j#00aad0 1 W00' j#& 40P 00i "4P' j#000#000000 00 0000001 jW "! "^ j#00#000 1 "!' #00, " j#0L j#01 0000f j#0 0000000 -01 W#0T 0 1 d000L .##00; , j#01 00001 j#F |0000000i ?0LadAaaaa000T 0 LaaL, _d00000La a#00000Laad1 j#0Laaa0000LaW#Lad00000000, "N000#4#0000Aaaa# 00#000000000000000#00000!000#` j#000#0#00000#0000000000000, j0000000#00 000000000000000000000000 0#00000000000000000000000000La _ad0000000000 000000000000000000000000 d000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000aaa-aaW0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Contact: b0g_contact@hotmail.com Email us your comments!%@! Site of the month: http://www.geocities.com/iliekmilk pheer We probably wont be able to get out a new issue unless you people contribute. Anything goes as long as some of us finds it interesting to read :) Contribute or die!!!!!